1. Stop all defense spending. Don't buy any more planes, bombs, rifles, bullets, tanks, combat boots or helmets. 

Who do we need to defend ourselves from? There's no more Soviet Union, and Canada already has given us hockey, so why would they want to harm us any more? 

If Saddam Hussein gets cute again, we turn him over to the Israelis, who will not be the nice guys we were and allow Saddam to get out of the Gulf War still above ground. 

Savings to the taxpayers: $72 septitillion. 

2. Cut out all welfare. Put everybody who is on welfare to work cleaning up New York city. Put a tax on loud talking and horn blowing in Manhattan to pay for it. 

3. Do away with the House of Representatives and let each state have just one senator. Make each senator buy his or her own car and build a dormitory for them to sleep in. If anybody tries to raise income taxes or take a junket on taxpayers' expense, we take away his or her mattress in the dorm for a period of time to be determined by a national call-in to "Larry King Live." 

Savings to the taxpayers: $43 dodecamillion and a lot of boring speeches. 

4. Put a tax on sex. At the end of the year, you put down how many times you've had sex, and you're taxed accordingly. Or we could forget that and simply tax Wilt Chamberlain, starting back with his first sexual experience. 

Revenue increase: I'm not sure, but another idea is we charge Wilt double for every time he didn't use a condom. 

5. Make all car dealers who make their own television commercials pay an annoyance-to-the-public fee of $1,000 for each commercial. 

Revenue increase: Who cares, if we can get the loud mouths off TV? 

6. Let the airlines build their own airports and furnish their own flight controllers. If Thomas Jefferson had been asked whether or not he thought the federal government should be in the airport business, he would have answered, "Are you nuts?" 

Savings to the taxpayers: $727 deltamillion. 

7. Do away with Amtrak. If there's anything more ridiculous for the federal government to be involved in than airports, it's running a railroad. Let the Walt Disney Co. build one. 

Savings to the taxpayers: A billion or so and a lot of time waiting on a train. 

8. Give the national parks back to the bears. It adds a little more adventure to camping out anyway, knowing there's not a park ranger anywhere within 200 miles and something large and furry could eat you before morning. 

Savings to the taxpayers: I'm not sure, but the concrete tent business would experience a sudden boom. 

9. Cut out all federal grants, especially for stupid studies like determining how porcupines are able to sleep on their backs. And not a single dime to restore and maintain the homes of famous band leaders, either, especially ones that allowed accordion playing. 

Savings to the taxpayers: Enough to buy one helluva lot of champagne. 

10. Sell the Gadsden Purchase back to Gadsden, whoever that was, and sell Hawaii to the Japanese. They've been trying to take over Hawaii since 1941 and have finally just about succeeded, or at least that's the way it looked to me the last time I was there. 

Let's get some money out of the Japanese before they just pick up Hawaii and take it home with them. 

Revenue increase: The Japanese probably would give a bundle for Hawaii, and if Gadsden doesn't want to buy his land back, we tell the Japanese it would make a real nice layout for a golf course, and we'll get another bundle. 

H. Ross Perot couldn't have said it any better.