There was Attila the Hun, of course. Great guy when you got to know him, said his best friend, Leroy the Hun, but he was bad to sack cities and rape and pillage. 

(The term "rape" I am familiar with, but I've never quite known what you do when you sack a city or pillage whatever it is you pillage. I slept through most of the ancient history courses I had in high school.) 

In more modern times we have had Hitler, Idi Amin and the Duvalier boys from Haiti. 

But the No. 1 el freako in the world today has to be Col. Moammar Khadafy of Libya, who is so nutty he spells his last name six or seven different ways. 

I'm not certain what it is Col. Khadafy wants. Attila the Hun wanted to rape, sack and pillage. Hitler wanted to rule the world. 

Col. Khadafy apparently wants to be a large pain in the world's behind. (I'm not certain where the world's behind is, but Libya certainly would be one of my first guesses. New Jersey wouldn't come until much later.) 

If that is what Col. Nutso wants, he is doing a very good job of getting it. He's in the papers most days, he's on the tube most every night, and he has gotten so much attention as the world's bad boy, he has become a household word. Like "toilet." 

I have observations about how we should handle the Colonel and the Libyan situation. 

First, I think we should launch an investigation into the fact that Col. Khadafy looks very much like the baseball pitcher, Joaquin Andujar. We all know after watching the World Series last year in which Andujar, then with the St. Louis Cardinals, set a World Series record for throwing temper tantrums a la Khadafy, not to mention beanballs. 

Could it be that Joaquin Andujar and Col. Khadafy are the same person? Have you ever seen them photographed together? If they are the same person, then all we have to do is get a few Marines to hide in the opposing team's dugout one night and when Andujar-Khadafy walks in, the Marines could beat him with fungo bats until he promises to go back to Libya and hush. 

Also, we could send him a year's supply of Tylenol, or spread a rumor he has AIDS. We could send Frank Borman to run his personal finances, or we could get Dr. Jan Kemp to sue him. 

I heard former Sen. Howard Baker of Tennessee, who might even become our next president, make a speech recently. He told a joke that isn't a bad idea of how to handle Khadafy, either. 

"One morning," Baker began, "President Reagan called his aides and wanted them to bring John Hinckley Jr., who tried to assassinate him, to the Oval Office. 

"When Hinckley arrived, the president said he had forgiven him and would order his release. 

"Hinckley was overwhelmed. He said, `Thank you, Mr. President. Is there anything I could do to repay you for your kindness?' 

"The president said, `Well, there is this one little thing.' He took a folder out of his desk and pulled out a picture of Col. Khadafy. 

"He said to Hinckley, `See this guy? He's dating Jodie Foster . . .' "