I still say a little prayer on takeoff and another during landing, and I won't fly any airlines run by communist countries or by countries where they worship cows and allow them to wander around on the streets. 

What I am really afraid of when I go to the airport these days is that I will be terribly inconvenienced. 

As I have become more of a veteran air traveler, I have come to realize flying was not invented by the Wright Brothers at all. 

It was originally conceived by some madman who wanted to create something to drive the human race batty. His evil ploy seems to be working. 

During a recent week, I flew every day. Seven flights, seven opportunities to become angry and frustrated, seven times to ponder if we wouldn't all be better off if transportation had never progressed past the Greyhound bus Scenicruiser. 
 

Every time, there's something different
 

None of the flights took off on time. On one flight we taxied out to the runway at crowded Dallas/Fort Worth, headed for Las Vegas. 

We had to turn around and go back, however, because some bozo who wanted to go to El Paso had gotten on the wrong plane. That cost us an hour and 15 minutes. If I had been the pilot, I would have taken the turkey to Las Vegas and let him hitchhike back to El Paso. 

Another time, there was some sort of mechanical problem. Lord knows, I don't want to take off in an airplane with a faulty ribbersnort or a leaky fildenstrapper, but what was supposed to be a 10-minute delay turned into two hours. 

Ever sit for two hours in an airplane that won't fly? It's like being trapped in a phone booth without change. 

Some other cute things happened, too. My flights were oversold a couple of times. That means they sold more tickets than they had seats, and everybody who bought a ticket showed up. 

What the airlines do in that case is beg passengers to give up seats in return for free tickets on future flights. That sounds like a fair deal unless you can't get off the plane for one reason or the other and have to sit through what amounts to an elongated auction. 
 

Delays can bring tears before takeoffs
 

On another flight, the computer lost my reservation and despite the fact I already had a boarding pass, I had to wait 30 minutes before I finally got a standby seat. 

I know the airlines try to make flying as convenient as possible, but I wonder if they really know how difficult they can make it for passengers. 

During the aforementioned two-hour delay, I noticed that the lady sitting across the aisle was crying. 

"Something wrong?" I asked gallantly. 

"It took me a year to get up the courage to leave my boyfriend and start a new life for myself somewhere else," she sobbed. "If this thing doesn't take off soon, I'm afraid I'll chicken out and won't go." 

We eventually did take off and the lady was still on the plane, but what does it say for air travel when you can't even run away from home on time?