But, now, this: There was a wire service article that ran the other day concerning a talking gorilla named Koko. The story was out of something called the Gorilla Institute in Woodside, Calif., and it was all about this alleged talking gorilla that had a thing for cats. The gorilla, a female, had a cat and she played with it and held it and wrapped blankets around it and, apparently, loved it as her own. 

The cat died last Christmas, however, the story went on to say. Koko now has a new cat and has stopped grieving over the one that died. After her cat died, according to the story, Koko said things like "frown" and "sad" and asked for another cat by saying, "Tiger, please." 
 

What did the cat say?
 

My problem with such reports about animals being able to communicate with people is the animals never say what you figure an animal would say if it really could talk. I mean if Koko can really speak her mind, why doesn't she say, "Let me out of here!"? 

You think any sensible gorilla would really enjoy being penned up in a cage and being made to do all sorts of tiresome things like learning sign language? Heck no. 

If I were a gorilla, I would want to be back in the jungle hanging out with my pals and eating bananas in a tree, and if I could talk I would say so. 

And then there's the new cat they gave Koko. What does the cat have to say about all of this? You think a cat wants to be in a cage with a large gorilla who thinks it's her baby? 

I don't have any problems with the gorilla liking the cat. Often, there are instances of different kinds of animals taking up with one another. We had a chicken at home that was quite fond of our dog, for example. Whenever I went out to play with my dog, Arnold, the chicken would join us and run after balls just like Arnold. 
 

No gorilla nursemaid
 

The chicken loved Arnold, as a matter of fact, and would fly up on Arnold's back and ride with him wherever he went. Unfortunately for both Arnold and the chicken, Arnold was bad to chase cars. One day, he caught one with the chicken on his back. I buried them side by side under the big oak tree. 

But I'm getting away from the original idea here. What I doubted about the gorilla story was the report that Koko could talk. Well, not really talk, as in opening her mouth and pronouncing words. But she has been reported to have a vocabulary of 500 words that she expresses by sign language. 

And if I were the cat, I know what I would say. I'd say, "Hold it, Jack, I'm not being nursemaided by no gorilla." 

All this makes me wonder what Arnold would have said about that chicken if he could have talked, however. 

Probably, "Get that stupid chicken off my back before I go ape."