OK, now that I have everyone's attention, let me say that if the mention of that particular product embarrasses or infuriates you, you are going to be embarrassed and infuriated a great deal in the future. Get ready for "The Return of the Condom." 

Condoms, long obsolete as a means of preventing disease and pregnancy with the development of penicillin and the pill, began their comeback alongside the rise and awareness of AIDS and teen pregnancy. 

Several months ago, one company even began advertising condoms on billboards in certain American cities. One was Atlanta. I got phone calls and letters. 

"How dare they put something like that on billboards," was the prevalent theme of the calls and letters. 

That is nothing compared to what is about to happen. Fortune magazine featured a detailed study of the sudden surge of condom sales in its November issue. Seven days of on-campus festivities 

Consider this: 

Said New York's health commissioner at a conference dealing with the threat of AIDS to heterosexuals, "The day of the condom has returned." 

The National Academy of Science is advising the use of condoms. 

The Surgeon General has endorsed the use of condoms. 

Condom sales are currently up 10 percent and they are expected to climb even higher; expect more ad campaigns. 

Women account for 50 percent of condom sales. One company is expected to target women with billboards featuring a woman saying, "I like sex. But I don't want to die from it." 

Also, according to Fortune, there will be seven days of on-campus festivities at a number of colleges and universities as a means of heightening in students the awareness of condoms. Call it National Condom Week. 

According to Fortune, "In addition to tossing water-filled condoms around, the events will include the distribution of free condoms, condom motif T-shirts and posters . . . and free condom-promoting literature. Learning safe way on Valentine's Day 

"A pin-the-condom-on-the-man contest mirrors pin-the-tail-on-the- donkey wi th obvious differences." 

One of the schools where such is supposed to take place is straight- laced, Methodist Emory University in Atlanta. Said Gerald Lowrey, associate dean of campus life at Emory, "Our students can do something independently if they want to, but the school can't be involved in something like this. It just wouldn't do for our reputation. It's too sensational." 

But isn't it important for Emory students to be aware of condoms as a means to protect themselves from deadly disease and pregnancy? 

"Done right," Lowrey continued, "it's a good thing to get the message out. But the main intent of the campus activities seems to hold the idea up to public ridicule rather than the sensible approach." 

The use of condoms might very well save a lot of lives in the future, so any methods of making people use them seem sensible enough to me. 

National Condom Week. It begins on Valentine's Day.