"My son," said the man, "came home the other day wearing an earring." 

There was a break in his voice. He obviously was holding back tears. 

"What," he said, after regaining his composure, "should I do about it?" 

I asked the man if he suspicioned his son might be gay. 

"That thought did cross my mind," he said. "But my son is currently dating three members of his school's cheering squad and an entire shift of waitresses at Burger King." 
 

Musicians' odd behavior
 

I asked the man if his son was a member of any sort of musical group. Young musicians have a tendency toward odd behavior and strange dress, such as thrashing about on stage as if they were having some sort of fit and styling their hair with a weed-eater, not to mention wearing earrings. 

"We knew he had no musical talent or interest," replied the father, "when they gave him a tambourine to play in the third grade rhythm band and he asked the teacher where he was supposed to blow into it." 

I told the man I had no children of my own but I had regularly watched "Leave it to Beaver," and had witnessed Beaver's dad, Mr. Cleaver, solve many child-rearing crises and that I would offer any advice I could regarding his particular problem. 

Even if the young man isn't gay, or isn't a member of any musical group, there remain several other possible reasons why he suddenly would decide to wear an earring and heap embarrassment upon his father and cause the poor man to wonder where he had gone wrong. 
 

Undershorts too tight?
 

The father might want to check and make certain his son isn't wearing undershorts that are too tight. Undershorts that are too tight often arethe cause o f many maladies, such as migraine headaches, disco fever, and possibly even a sudden desire to adorn one's earlobe. 

The child may be eating too much junk food, too. Such a diet can be the source of many problems in youngsters such as terminal acne, sullenness, wearing one glove for no apparent reason, and, possibly even the earring bit, too., 

What I really suspect, however, is the man's son has fallen in with the wrong crowd at school, a group of obnoxious little punks who have become a bad influence on him as Eddie Haskell was to Wally and the Beaver. 

What the man should do is make certain his son doesn't hang out with such riffraff who enjoy making their parents' lives miserable and then pop the kid on top of his head a couple of times and while he's still dizzy from the blows, pull that stupid earring out of his ear and flush it down the toilet. 

I have no doubt that Ward Cleaver would have done the very same thing if one of his sons had tried to break his heart.