My Little Cupcake

Dear "Sweetie-Poo,"

Bet you thought you’d never hear me call you that again. Cupcake, we may be living apart now, but there are some things I will never forget about the six weeks we had together.

Just the other day, I was remembering how I started calling you that name, "Sweetie Poo." Do you remember, Dovey? I used to leave little notes on my pillow before I left for work so you would find them when you awakened later.

I would write, "Roses are red, violets are blue, and I love my Sweetie-Poo." I know you enjoyed them because you would always call me the minute you turned over and found them.

I’m sorry I was hardly ever in the office when you called, but the boss insisted we knock off for lunch at one o’clock on the dot.

Darling, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what happened to our Little Blue Heaven. I have never had a shock like the one you gave me when you said you believed we should separate and I should move out because marriage was stifling your career.

Honey, I still believe you could be married and teach bridge at the club, too, but I suppose it’s too late to turn back now. I guess you know your lawyer has talked to mine and we’ll be going to court soon to get the divorce.

Maybe you didn’t know. I ran into your best friend Gladys, and she said you’ve been traveling a lot. Aspen, huh? I’ll be you turned a few heads on the slopes with those new ski outfits you bought for the trip.

Didn’t think I knew about that, did you, Pumpkin? The bill you had the department store send me came this morning. We’ve worked something out so I can pay a little at a time. It probably helped that your old man owns the joint.

Incidentally, if Gladys mentions anything about my saying I hoped you broke your leg in five places, I was only kidding, ma chérie.

Drove by the house the other night to pick up the broom and dustpan set you gave me as a wedding present, but I was afraid to come in. It looked like you might be having a party.

The band sounded tremendous. I know you are going to think I’m crazy, but for a moment, I thought I could see you and your lawyer dancing without any clothes on by the pool. Silly me. Just my imagination, I’m sure, or the lighting from the Japanese lanterns.

By the way, was that a new car I saw parked in the driveway? Gladys also said something about your Dad giving you a new Jag to help you get over the grief of our sudden breakup.

Love that color! You always did look good in red. Besides, the burnt orange Porsche he gave you for your birthday last month simply wasn’t you, Cutes.

Sorry I got so upset last month when you said you had run out of money again and I’d have to make the house payment. I had some fool notion you could put what I sent you together with the allowance from your old man and have plenty for the mortgage and some left over.

But you’re right. I had no idea the price of tennis outfits had gone up so much, and I didn’t know your father had cut you to a grand a week because of the way his stocks had fallen off.

I managed to scrape by. The watch my grandfather gave me on his deathbed was worth a pretty penny at the pawn shop, and I sold a few pints of blood to get the rest.

I’m doing just fine in my new place, Gumdrop. The landlord said he couldn’t do anything about the rats for a while, but I’m getting used to them. It’s nice to have some pleasant company for a change. (Ha! Ha! Still kidding, my little Sweet Potato.)

Better close for now, Puddin’. Know you’re busy. Me, too. Working two jobs can sure keep a fellow hopping. One more thing, I really laughed when Gladys made that crack about you and your lawyer planning to "take me to the cleaners" in divorce court. You’re a regular riot, Loveykins.

All for now. Write soon,

Always,

Your "Precious Lamb"

P.S. My lawyer just called and told me the Supreme Court has ruled that women with a lot of money may now have to pay alimony to their husbands.

P.P.S. See you in court, Snorkel-Face